mitch mayne

If you are gay and Mormon or pay much attention to the Mormon Bloggernacle, then you've probably heard that Mitch Mayne, an openly gay man living in San Francisco, was recently called to be executive secretary in his ward.  I'm guessing that it isn't the first time this has ever happened, but it's definitely generated more conversation online than other instances.  I think part of this is due to the fact that Mitch isn't apologetic about his sexuality, nor does he adopt the narrative of it being a broken part of him.  He owns it.  He's also fairly actively shared his story online of being openly gay and being asked to serve as executive secretary of his ward.

I think it's valuable to stop and read the posts and conversations about all of it (especially if you have no idea what I'm talking about).  I think the conversations taking place give a good sense of where we are and aren't in the Mormon church on the topic of homosexuliaty.  I think that's the most interesting thing to me: to observe how people process the information, how they hold it, the questions they ask, the questions they don't ask.  It's not so much what happened that interests me but how it's presented and how people react to it. 

Here are some links for you to join in the observation process yourself:

Mitch Mayne's website (which includes a link to his blog where he talks about his new calling)
Post at By Common Consent (the comment stream here is kind of interesting)
Post at Times and Seasons
Joanna Brooks' write up at Religion Dispatches

Of course there has also been plenty of discussion in Facebook groups, but all those groups are closed so I can't link to them here.

And here's a presentation Mitch gave in March at Sunstone West before any of this took place:

thoughts on dating

A few months ago I posted about wanting to venture into the vulnerable world of dating.  Before that, I'd said I was open to it, but had never really made any conscientious effort to pursue it.  I signed up for OKCupid (ugh) and have been on a handful of dates since then.  It's been an interesting experiment.  I don't know that I've particularly enjoyed it. 

I got really excited about the first guy I met in person from the site.  I actually got fairly lucky.  He was incredibly attractive and bright and witty.  We went out a few times and I started to realize I was doing that thing where you create something wonderful out of nothing.  I think it's a common trap of the inexperienced or the person who is more infatuated with the idea of relationship than actually being in a relationship, a relationship where the other person is seen for and allowed to be who they actually are for better or for worse.

So after the third date, I came away realizing that I really wasn't excited about spending any more time with him.  I mean I wanted to be excited about it, but I wasn't.  So I figured I'd just leave it up to him to make any next move to get together.  I'm pretty sure he felt the same way; I haven't heard from him. 

Other than that, I've been on a few dates here and there and chatted with a couple guys online, but nothing that has materialized into anything as of yet.  To be honest, I have a hard time imagining myself in a long term relationship with another human being.  Maybe it's because I've been single for so long and have never really been in any kind of healthy, long term relationship with someone where there was mutual attraction. 

I often wonder why I never got even close to getting married.  I'm kind of amazed at guys who have.  I couldn't do it.  I couldn't even get close.  That makes it sound like I regret that I didn't get married and admire those who did and that's not really true.  I'm frequently grateful that I didn't jump into marriage before I realized what I would be getting myself into, for my sake and hers.  I guess sometimes I wonder why I couldn't ever get close.  The desire was there and I went on lots of dates and I wasn't all that self aware at the time, but I guess I just couldn't pretend deeply enough, or for a length of time that would get me anywhere near marriage. 

Maybe that's it.  I'm not good at pretending in relationships, which could be partly why I haven't particularly enjoyed my brief (so far) foray into dating dudes.  To me, it seems kind of silly to specifically look for someone to date.  It seems too contrived and weird, and maybe I feel that way because of my background in Mormon dating where there is so much weight and meaning behind a date.  So then of course it seems weird and contrived.  Honestly though, I'd much rather go about my business, engaging in my normal social intereactions and have a relationship develop naturally and organically out of an existing friendship.  I figure if I meet someone doing what I enjoy doing or with people whose company I enjoy, the odds of meeting someone I am compatible with increase.  (Instead of meeting a complete stranger based on what they've chosen to portray about themselves online.)  I guess I just haven't had much success with the former organic approach and so I decided to try the latter, more contrived approach.

I don't actually spend a whole lot of time thinking or worrying about this, which is probably evident in my half hearted/assed attempts at dating.  At this point, being single can feel comfy and cozy at times.  But ultimately, there is that simmering desire - albeit sometimes in the background - to share my life and self with someone and have him share his life and self with me.

Oh.  I realize this made the rounds on the interwebz a while back, but I rediscovered it today and I really do enjoy it. 


Thought of You from Ryan J Woodward on Vimeo.

summer vacation

This is what I've been up to the past couple of weeks.

Sunstoning:  Yes, that is a giant replica of the Angel Moroni made of balloons (not noodles).  We presented on Empathy First Initiative and Far Between.

I also played cars.

And hung out with my friend Ninny in her comfy caftan.

After lounging in the caftan, we went to an amazing antique shop in Provo.  As you can see, it was mostly the dolls that captured my attention.  If you're easily spooked by creepy dolls, you might want to skip the next eight pictures.

I spent some time waiting for pizza at Bear Lake.

And then some time eating pizza at Bear Lake.

I ate fruit snacks from the floor at Bear Lake, shared with me by this little one.

I also just relaxed and hung out at Bear Lake.

Flew giant kites at Bear Lake.

Hung out with Spiderman at Bear Lake.

Enjoyed beautiful views of Bear Lake.

And watched a full moon rise over Bear Lake.

listening

If you haven't already, you should "like" Empathy First Initiative on Facebook.  There are lots of quotes, stories, videos, etc. posted that I believe can help promote a habit and a culture of empathy.  I believe one of the best ways to develop and practice this habit of empathy is to learn how to listen effectively to others and ourselves and the world around us.  This TED talk lists five simple ways we can listen better.

Our media have to scream at us in order to get our attention.  And that means it's harder for us to pay attention to the quiet, the subtle, the understated.